I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago. Yep, I will tell you….I am 35. Grimace. I have arrived at that point in life where I would rather NOT share how old I am. Actually, it kinda freaks me out. It sounds SO old…. I feel like I am STILL growing up! I have this feeling of….when I will actually be all grown up? Does that feeling ever go away?? I remember being a teenager and looking at people in their thirties and thinking they are so old and mature…kinda boring, actually.;) I thought they must have life all figured out and don’t have any insecurities about who they are and what they do. Now that I am here, I still feel like a kid….and life…..will I ever have it all figured out?
But you know what I am learning? Life is journey. Yeah, yeah…..heard that ten million times, you are saying. Yeah, me to. Trite. I know. But REALLY…..hear me out….it IS a journey. And that is what I am realizing at this ‘OLD’ stage of life. Each day we make decisions. They may feel insignificant. And they may be. At least some of them. But these little decisions. These steps in a direction. They add up. Day after day. Moment after moment. One foot in front of the other…..they take me somewhere. Some steps may be a battle. Others are as easy as breathing. Some may feel trivial. Others may feel like I just hurdled a mountain. These steps….require a great deal of PATIENCE and certainly and for sure, INTENTIONALITY. God has granted me the permission to make decisions. And these little decisions….good and bad….they define my destiny.
SO….where does this leave me? It is quite simple. AWARE and INTENTIONAL. But lighthearted in the midst. It is not with heavy feeling that I realize this. I am granted what I need for each step of the way. I simply want to BE PRESENT and ENJOY the journey. Again, trite. I know. BUT….so true. Allow the ups and downs. The steps forward and yes, the steps backwards. The highlights. The hard times. I will give and I will receive. Plan and look forward but all the while…embrace the ebb and flow of life.
Ten years ago, I didn’t understand that! So maybe I am actually growing up. Ha. At least a little. Kinda. Maybe I don’t actually need to grow up. Besides, what is the definition of “grown up”? If it is old and boring….then maybe I will always stay a kid. Even when I am old and gray and playing with my grand-kids…I will still wonder when I will be all grown up.
Corde, my baby, is two. Riley is eight…counting down the days until he turns nine next month. He has been talking about his birthday gift ever since summer. Adler is goofy and silly and quite absent minded…he is 7 with missing front teeth. Photo credit to ANDREA for many of these photos. I grabbed a few also.
Who said I need to grow up anyway? Eh?